|By Tsukioka Yoshitoshi|
Lately, it has been difficult to commit and I think that is because I no longer notice the positive impact it has on my life.
I may have meditated twice this week.
Reflecting on this, I think there are two reasons. The first reason is I cannot seem to find a Headspace pack that resonates with me. Since the first of the year, I have tried a few: Relationships, Happiness, and Balance. Each one has been unsatisfactory and have I been unable to feel the impact that I did with the basic packs and the Anxiety pack. Much of this seems to do with the switch from focusing on the breath and noting to visualization of people and golden light. I find it difficult, distracting, and unfulfilling.
The second reason is I am back to work and my "me" time has been reduced back to nearly nothing. I admit I feel tired, resentful, and frustrated that I don't have the same control over my life that I did for the five months I wasn't working.
I have one more day of the balance pack and then I am going to try self esteem. If that doesn't resonate, then I am going back and doing the basic pack again.
I want my meditation to be relaxing, pleasurable, and have results. If that means I am not progressing, then I'm willing to not progress and stick with what works.
Has anyone else felt these things? Let me know in the comments.